Tag: single struggles
5 Reasons to Leave a ‘Good’ Relationship
So you’re in a relationship. Its going well and you’re both comfortable. But are you the right kind of comfortable. Sometimes good relationships aren’t really that good. If you’ve been contemplating yours here’s some food for thought.
1. You aren’t going in the same direction
Let’s face it, life is a series of destinations. We are always coming and going with some form of goal attached to each step in the journey. Let’s say you have a goal of marriage and your partner isn’t quite sold on the idea of long-term commitment. You can always hold out and hope that changes. You can even step your game up and hope they switch gears. The harsh reality is that often times you are simply spinning your wheels and quite possibly missing out on someone who shares the same desire. Cut your losses and get your shoes.
2. You don’t share the same feelings
You are madly in love, them not so much or vice versa. It happens there is no perfected recipe for falling in love with someone. But whoever you are, you are totally worth someone who loves you back instead of someone who just really likes you. Not to mention when the feelings aren’t shared neither is the effort. Relationships take work; you don’t want to end up run down and feeling unappreciated.
3. You Don’t share the same foundation
Foundation, morals or your fundamental belief system are important. It affects your day to day decisions, how you interact with one another and others. If you have too wide of a gap in what you both believe it can lead to a plethora of issues. You might find yourselves arguing as a result. Disagreeing on how to raise the kids, abortions, daylight savings, if keeping an extra 5 because the cashier miscounted is stealing. Who knows the possibilities are endless when it comes to this category. Protect your peace sis and move on.
4. You know you’re settling
I know dating can get frustrating and on occasion being single can seem like it sucks. It all boils down to your perspective. I mean honestly do you really want to be in a relationship with someone you aren’t that compatible with and might not even like just to avoid being alone? True society makes it seems as though you have fatal flaws when your single, but just hold out you know your worth it. If you don’t know your worth it you need some personal time to figure out you are and why so just don’t do it.
5. You can’t be yourself
The single greatest thing you bring to a relationship is you. All of you the good, the bad, and the all too ugly. What is the purpose of being in a situation where it is acceptable to be anyone but who you are? Someone who loves or cares about you will do so unconditionally. That doesn’t mean they like everything you do. They do, however, like you and who you are at your core. Everyday of your relationship should not feel like your in a new job on probation. If it does just go ahead dust of your resume and quit boo, your assets will be thoroughly valued elsewhere in a new position.
I know, I know dating can be overwhelming. What can I say other than PERSPECTIVE! Lol, have fun with it, each date is an adventure. If you know it isn’t gonna work early cut your losses politely and move forward to the next candidate. It isn’t as dismal as it seems there are tons of single people out there. If you know what you want though you aren’t going to find it sitting at home or wasting away in an okay relationship that has signs of never changing. If you can, by all means work together to correct the things you need to. If you feel like Keisha D, I’m totally happy and content with this. Do you boo boo by all means be blessed. For the rest of you if can’t fix it, fix you and then get up and get back on out there.
365 Days(and counting) of Celibacy
So just over a year ago, I announced that I had decided to put my pussy up and go where my heart was leading me with God. Well naturally after 20+ years of fornicating it hasn’t come without some challenges….
General Lust
Now that I’m celibate doable men seem to be everywhere, on every corner. Y’alls 18 y/o son’s, your daddy, hell your grandpa all look like viable options. I don’t know if that is just my vag talking trying to convince me to just take one hit it won’t hurt anything, but good Lord Jesus the sexy quotient has increased exponentially. I find myself trying not to smile or make eye contact because honestly I think I’m still at risk to be weakened by my desire. This in itself is a potentially self limiting variable because how does one meet her future husband if she is practicing invisibility? Of course these feelings are natural, but I’m on a path of self discipline and that includes denying myself to live out the words God has given me. Even if my vagina is still trying to do her own thing. In the meantime I just keep telling myself I’m in charge.
Media induced spasms
Outside of the fine ass men in my general vicinity, the interwebs, the movies, and television are filled with ‘I’d do hims’. Not only are these men good old fashioned eye candy, but those in the acting realm feed right into a level of visual fantasy a sista just can’t handle. Anywhere in between the softest most heartfelt kiss, to the outright clothes ripping frenzy is enough to rob me of my sleep and have me asking God to turn off my vagina. Since he seems to be making me hold out for good old fashioned menopause, I find myself changing the channel or not tuning in at all more and more. The only thing I haven’t quite given up yet where I know darn well I have no business being is the Beard Gang Matters group on fb. This group just oh my Lord in Heaven! This group chile is a ‘I know’d der is a God’ type of group. I’m sure there are some unattractive men in there but I have yet to come across them.
Auditory overload
Outside of all the visual stimulus, is the taunts of everyday music. Nothing like hearing all the nastily delicious stuff someone in theory can do to you with the push of a button or swipe across a screen. It all seems as readily available as any old drive-thru. As much as I could go for a good old fashioned no.5, hold the mayo, I find myself having to police my first love: music. Music has the strangest ability to set, change, or even nullify your mood. I’ve had to bypass all the Trey Songz, Jeremih, and modern day hip hop in turn for Gospel and some good old Motown love songs. At this point you’re probably thinking this chick is weak! Well no. I’m not by any means weak, and there ain’t ‘ner notta’ nobody that’s going to just randomly tell me what to do. But this is all about the power of suggestion. If you hear and see something often enough you will eventually be open or susceptible to the idea. Don’t believe me? I challenge you to change your radio station or streaming genre consistently for a week or two.
Ovul-apocolypse
While the few days associated with ovulation clearly aren’t the end of the world, it can be a hair raising 3-5 days in the life of the consciously chaste. As a part of the ovulation process your hormone levels start to peak about 2-3 days before an egg is released. To your uterus that is great timing because since sperm can live up to 5 days it might win the baby lotto. For those of us on a vaginal-vacay these are some the roughest days in the month. Around ovulation estrogen in cahoots with testosterone and progesterone cause a peak in sexual desire as well. That means your wetter(increased vaginal secretions), more attuned to pheromones, and more likely to fantasize or have wet dreams. Wait, ‘wet dreams’? I know, I know and yes women just like men can orgasm in their sleep.
God splainin’
In my lowest moments of desperation I find myself bargaining with God. There is nothing funnier than trying to convince yourself that Its okay to break the rules just a little bit. Saying things to myself like ‘God knows my heart’ while contemplating crossing the invisible line I’ve drawn in the sand. I’m sure my thought process is not to different from anyone else trying to convince themselves something is okay. Arguments like since God forgives surely he’d forgive me one more time, right? And is premeditated sin worse than random sin? All the while the whole world seems to be frowning on me like I’m a special kind of stupid for believing in something they think they can’t see or touch. For denying myself something so natural in hopes of a better connection and understanding with the supernatural. In the midst of my struggle God always seems to find a way to remind me he’s right there with me. Even the days I want to dive head first off the celibacy wagon into some bs, He has my back. What awaits me at the other side of this forlorn journey? God only knows, literally. In the meantime I’m buying extra blankets because it just might be a long winter……