Tag: 5 tips

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5 Reasons to Leave a ‘Good’ Relationship

So you’re in a relationship.  Its going well and you’re both comfortable. But are you the right kind of comfortable.  Sometimes good relationships aren’t really that good.  If you’ve been contemplating yours here’s some food for thought. 

1. You aren’t going in the same direction

Let’s face it, life is a series of destinations. We are always coming and going with some form of goal attached to each step in the journey.  Let’s say you have a goal of marriage and your partner isn’t quite sold on the idea of long-term commitment.  You can always hold out and hope that changes. You can even step your game up and hope they switch gears. The harsh reality is that often times you are simply spinning your wheels and quite possibly missing out on someone who shares the same desire.  Cut your losses and get your shoes.


2. You don’t share the same feelings

You are madly in love, them not so much or vice versa. It happens there is no perfected recipe for falling in love with someone.  But whoever you are, you are totally worth someone who loves you back instead of someone who just really likes you.  Not to mention when the feelings aren’t shared neither is the effort.  Relationships take work; you don’t want to end up run down and feeling unappreciated.


3. You Don’t share the same foundation

Foundation, morals or your fundamental belief system are important.  It affects your day to day decisions, how you interact with one another and others.  If you have too wide of a gap in what you both believe it can lead to a plethora of issues.  You might find yourselves arguing as a result.  Disagreeing on how to raise the kids, abortions, daylight savings, if keeping an extra 5 because the cashier miscounted is stealing. Who knows the possibilities are endless when it comes to this category. Protect your peace sis and move on.

4. You know you’re settling

I know dating can get frustrating and on occasion being single can seem like it sucks. It all boils down to your perspective. I mean honestly do you really want to be in a relationship with someone you aren’t that compatible with and might not even like just to avoid being alone?  True society makes it seems as though you have fatal flaws when your single, but just hold out you know your worth it. If you don’t know your worth it you need some personal time to figure out you are and why so just don’t do it.

5. You can’t be yourself

The single greatest thing you bring to a relationship is you.  All of you the good, the bad,  and the all too ugly.  What is the purpose of being in a situation where it is acceptable to be anyone but who you are? Someone who loves or cares about you will do so unconditionally.  That doesn’t mean they like everything you do. They do, however, like you and who you are at your core. Everyday of your relationship should not feel like your in a new job on probation.  If it does just go ahead dust of your resume and quit boo,  your assets will be thoroughly valued elsewhere in a new position. 


I know, I know dating can be overwhelming. What can I say other than PERSPECTIVE!  Lol, have fun with it, each date is an adventure. If you know it isn’t gonna work early cut your losses politely and move forward to the next candidate.  It isn’t as dismal as it seems there are tons of single people out there. If you know what you want though you aren’t going to find it sitting at home or wasting away in an okay relationship that has signs of never changing. If you can, by all means work together to correct the things you need to. If you feel like Keisha D, I’m totally happy and content with this.  Do you boo boo by all means be blessed.  For the rest of you if can’t fix it, fix you and then get up and get back on out there.


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What Dat Mouf Do? 5 Easy Tips To…….😉

My mouth is my greatest cheerleader and my most worthy adversary.  Try as I might some days it seems I just can’t, or perhaps its a won’t, tame my tongue.  At 39 I’m a professional at the two extremes of its use.  On one hand I can encourage and love on you to help build you up. On the other I can injure you and tear you down.

We tell this lie about how sticks and stones break bones but words never hurt you.  I guess we all need a good coping mechanism here and there but words hurt.  Words don’t just hurt they find their way into your heart and if you hear then enough they have a way of manifesting themselves in your life.  Words transform into self-fulfilling prophecies or the underlying fears that drive you.


The bible says of the tongue ‘Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers and sisters, this should not be.’ Maya Angelou charged us all with being careful because people will always remember how you made them feel. I have always remembered the words that made me feel that way.  You would think that memories of horrible demoralizing experiences are enough to inspire you to do better.  They are not.  In fact often times we do the same or worse.  


I’m blessed in that growing up there are very few experiences with my parents that I can say involved hurtful language.  I can’t say the same for family or some of their friends. I can recall being teased about being ‘yellow’ by one of my mom’s friends as a child *insert insecurity here*. Or being lambasted by her hair dresser about my hair,  honestly I just didn’t like her and didn’t want her to touch me but that is a separate issue, *insert insecurity here based on black girl hair stuff I can’t go all into today*. Throw in the rants of my ex husband; whore, stupid, fat ass, can’t do shit right etc and so on *insert insecurities and official hot mess seasoning*.


In Spite of these examples and the countless others I haven’t shared,  I’m ashamed to say I’m not much better than the people that hurt me.  They always say to be bigger person.  Well I have been, but some days I’ve also been the bigger pettier person. The toughest thing to acknowledge is when you train you tongue in quick whips and stinging phrases, you also have to set that with an off switch.  Frustration, exhaustion, anger, embarrassment, anything can trigger that spiteful tongue at anytime with anyone. Of course once you say its gone.  


If I’m honest with myself I know that I’ve said hurtful things to the people I love the most, my children.  While I’ve forgotten them I know they still carry them in the pockets of their hearts just like I carry hurtful words with me.  

While I can’t change the past, I can set realistic goals for the present and future.  

  1. When angry, wait.

No matter how much I might want to keep it real.  It just isn’t worth the cost somedays. Healthy relationships are much more valuable than a false notion of honesty

  1. Check your motivation

Telling the truth is important, but telling the truth from a place of love is far more important than just being honest. When you tell the truth in love you tend to avoid arguments and are more likely to be heard.

  1. Count the cost

No matter how well thought out your words they may cost you something like a relationship or a job so make sure to consider the potential fall out or consequences of your words.

  1. Consider your audience

Not every conversation should be a matter of public record, or fuel for the gossip fires.  Tough conversations with friends, co-workers or your children may be best done in private.

  1. Know when to keep it to yourself

It should go without saying, but not everything needs to be said.  Some words have no business leaving your mouth ever!

Remember out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks and the power of life and death is in the tongue.  I hope that you all speak life and have it spoken to you as well.  Then you’ll never have to worry about what that mouf do…..