Year: 2018

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The What and Why of Vaginal Dryness

Vaginal dryness can occur at any stage during a woman’s life. Though common associated with menopause there are several other root causes. One of those causes is a lack of arousal.  Lack of arousal is also considered a form of sexual dysfunction. ‬

Stress/Mental health

Feeling disconnected from your partner? Women who are unable to connect on an emotional level may experience difficulty with arousal when it comes to sex. Depression and medications prescribed for depression can also contribute to vaginal dryness/lack of arousal. Lack of an emotional connection with your partner can also lead to vaginal dryness. Try spending some intimate non sexual time together maybe a movie, a favorite hobby you share, or simply cuddling. It is important to share your concerns with your partner so that you are on the same page and they can understand and provide support. This also hopefully will help prevent them from taking it personally.  If you find that despite you efforts thing are not improving its okay to seek help. There are therapists who specialize in intimate relationships: sex therapists. If you feel depression or other emotional issues may be interfering with your ability to preform and/or enjoy sex, therapy is a great choice. 

Medical reasons

  1. Menopause: Estrogen levels naturally drop during menopause and peri-menopasue which can lead to vaginal dryness and atrophy of vaginal tissue. 
  2. Infection: Any form of infection whether a common non sexual infection or an STI  can  be a cause of vaginal dryness. Only your doctor can diagnose and treat you if necessary. If think you may have an infection of any type it is important to be seen.
  3. Birth Control: Hormone based birth control methods can also lead to vaginal dryness. Birth control alters the bodies normal hormone levels to prevent egg maturation/ovulation. These decreased hormone levels can cause the vagina to become dry
  4. Hormone changes: As you progress through your natural hormonal cycle dryness can be common before, or after menstruation.

The first step when dealing with vaginal dryness that is the result of a common medical concern is to consult a physician. If menopause is the issue a vaginal estrogen cream can be helpful for some women, your gynecologist can tell you if you are a good candidate for this form of treatment. If the issue is an infection, then issue should resolve with treatment. For concerns related to birth control it may be as easy as switching to a different pill or another form of contraception.  If you find that vaginal dryness is still a concern a water based lubricant can help alleviate the issue. Water based lubes are generally less agitating to the vagina. If stress is a contributing factor foreplay can help prepare a woman for intercourse.  While shopping for lube used to require a trip to an adult store most markets now carry various forms of lubricant so now you don’t have to worry about feeling like you need to wear a cone of shame. That’s it for this week. Make sure to subscribe to mailing list so you can be sure you don’t miss our vagina tips, and make sure that you’re keeping your kitty on fleek!!!

 

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2 Successes and A Failure: Celebrating Me

Every year in October as I approach my earth-a-versary and personal New Years eve, I spend some time reflecting on the last year and most importantly measuring my growth and progress. Now if you’re all about besting yourself in the game of life like I am then I hope you celebrate the victories and the defeats.  Naturally over the course of 12 months I have more than 2 things occur that equal success and by far more than 1 failure.  Even though some of them may be small as the saying goes slow progress is better than no progress.

SUCCESS

1. Tear-less date night

Okay so that may have you thinking I’m crazy,  but its a real victory for me.  My first date after my relationship with my son’s dad dissolved and months after the birth of my son was great.  The gentleman who took me out was just that a gentleman.  He was kind and thoughtful, very attentive and of course handsome.  There was just one problem I wasn’t ready.

I unfortunately didn’t realize I wasn’t ready to date yet until I cried myself all the way home and ultimately to sleep.  I tried to pull my head out of my ass because I knew I would be missing out on someone amazing,  but eventually I had to just let it go.  He by no means deserved to be strung along while I got myself together,  lest known used a stepping stone to get there. He also didn’t deserve to be drug through my metal and emotional wasteland as I

Even though I was hella disappointed at my personal loss; fine educated black man.  I knew I was to broken for things to work.  Fast forward a year and tons of soul work later.  I was blessed enough to have a date with another handsome, educated black man and this time no tears.

2. Jumped head on into small business ownership

Depending on your frame of mind this may seem like madness.  Who in their right mind decides to start a business while being the solely responsible for a one year old. Insert hand raising emoji here.  I had a passion I’d been harboring for over a decade.  Herbal medicine.  While earning my over priced baccalaureate degree I developed a passion for herbs.  As a result I educated myself through books and coursework.  In 2007 I made my first formulation for a family member and I’ve been creating ever since.

Up until about a year ago I was content with only helping my family and friends.  Then one night I sat awake in bed as all great thinkers and innovators do and pondered what is the use of having a passion for something and not pursuing it? At that moment I decided to look a little deeper into what it would mean and take for me to run a small business.  I enrolled in the Ignite Your Biz boot camp, a series of 4 FREE sessions facilitated by the Black Business Initiative (BBI) and Sistahprenuers.

I was hesitant, period. I have 4 kids,  2 in college,  I didn’t feel like I could invest in myself and my passion the way I wanted to. Hell the way I needed to. During the course of those sessions a new program being piloted by the facilitators was discussed.  Scale up, a program designed to help minority entrepreneurs improve the sustainability of their business and gain the business capital they need. I reached out on a whim and found out I might be a good candidate.

After debating myself incessantly I decided to jump.  This has been the free fall of a lifetime. I never realized how passionate I was about my business until I had to share that passion with others.  I have laughed, cried, danced, re-branded, built a whole new website. The list goes on and on and I am only beginning.   Since the relaunch of my website I have had regular visitors and regular sales I hope will continue to grow. I account that to help I’ve received through the Scale-up program. I’m am constantly inspired, pushed to go beyond the limits of my own ideas and thinking. So far my products have been well received and I am so excited to see where all my business will take me.

FAILURE

1. Inconsistent Blog Life

Nothing to do here but call a spade a spade.  Despite my best laid plans to keep it together I fell off, way off. I mean does anybody still read this blog besides you?  Okay okay maybe I’m being dramatic but seriously being consistent matters in every area of life. Writing this year has been a struggle for me. For once the chronic over sharer had no desire to share. I chose not to write at times just because I have no clue how to avoid authenticity. I didn’t want to discuss my personal pain when I felt like I had finally gotten to place of so much joy. I didn’t mind telling all of you, but even more so I didn’t want to admit to myself that I was struggling, depressed and exhausted.

However from this small failure this year I once again have learned something new and been reminded of something old. Even though our stories may not be the same we grow individually and as a collective when we share those stories. Whether it is the joy, the pain or the sorrow and rock bottom, belly of the beast days. Your tests are a testimony to the resilience of the human spirit. The wonderful things that can happen when you forgive, especially yourself and when you keep pushing towards better.  Better us, better communities and a better world. They are also for me, proof that God is with me in every step good or bad, holding my hand or holding me when I need him to giving me the strength to succeed or fail and plain old #JUSTBE

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Rubberband: #lifestyle

Now I’m fairly certain you read the title and thought to yourself rubberband,  lifestyle, where is she going with this one?  Well everywhere and nowhere which is exactly how life flows when you live a rubberband lifestyle. 

Let’s look at the physical characteristics of a rubberband.  It is flexible,  and has various uses. The strength of each rubberband is not always innately obvious but becomes clear once pressure is applied.  It can handle being pulled in several directions at once and generally will respond with the desired result. 

Wonderful right! As people we are all that and more,  flexible,  strong,  and equipped to handle various types and amounts of pressure.  So if you’re anything like me you are bout that rubberband #lifestyle.   Overall its pretty awesome,  but it can also be pretty dangerous. Here’s how:

1. Being pulled in multiple directions

     This could equate to multi tasking or stress but either way it is no bueno.  Research has shown that multi tasking actually decreases your brain ability to function over time. Stress well it messed up everything. 

2. Being flexible

        Flexibility is great, as long as it isn’t coming at your own expense.  The rubberbands fatal flaw is its inability to commit to self care. It just gets used and abused until it finally snaps.  Generally the damage is irreparable. Even if you tie it back together its never quite the same. 

3. Strength

     Strength is often a misnomer.  We like to define the strength of others based on how they react to the pressure.  While it may seem like you are holding it all together very well,  few people will notice the cracks that will lead to the eventual break.  

Now I know living a rubberband #lifestyle just went from being the shit to being shit. But you can still get all the love and joy from being everything that encompasses.  Step one be okay with saying no.  Step two be okay with taking care of yourself.  Step three be okay with always taking the time to #justbe