Tag: accountability

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One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest and Fell Off the Celibacy Wagon……

It is no secret that my journey in being and remaining celibate has been a struggle.  It is also one that I ultimately lost a few battles with. At the time it was so easy to succumb to my most primal of desires. Sex is like a drug because it activates the same hormone pathways in your brain. Naturally, I found myself guilt ridden and angry afterwards.  I had managed to maintain my self control for 18 months, only to flush it all and be back at square one in a matter of minutes. 

So why does it even matter so much?  Well first there is the understanding that my situation won’t change until I do.  In the process of deciding what things I yield some level of control over in life and what things I wanted to do differently,  having a sexual relationship very easily ended up on the chopping block. 

Even though I have a pretty healthy relationship with sex and my personal sexuality; I wanted a different relationship overall with sex itself.  Sex in many ways I felt clouded my judgement.  Being caught in the patriarchal paradigm of what it means in society for a woman to have the audacity to have had more than one partner can leave many a woman (myself included) locked in a less than favorable situation.  Therefore in an effort to master myself, and also find the traits I value most in a mate,  I put sex on the shelf. 

So I’m sure some of are wondering if it was worth it. All I can say to that is in this instance satisfaction is subjective.  In the moment was it enjoyable absolutely.  Was it worth it in relation to my long-term goals and desires? Probably not. 

 The sexual encounter was an entirely selfish interaction.  I was only concerned with I wanted in that moment there was no give and take. Its important to note that I’m not referring to a physical reciprocity,  but rather an emotional one.  I now see sex between two uncommitted people as an act of aggression.  They both take something from each other they can never give back.

In the process of forgiving myself,  I was able to reflect positively on the things I learned about myself through falling short of my goal temporarily.  First I reminded myself that even though I was made perfectly my actions won’t always reflect that.  I’m human and mistakes and failure come with the job description.  Whether or not I learn from them or dwell in them is a choice. A competitor by design I can’t stand when I fall short, but the champion in me is always satisfied to finish. Even though I lost this round and let it drive me a bit bananas;  I’m back on the wagon and not looking back.  

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Its Not Them or Us, its Most Likely You. A Personal Accountability Check up

There comes a time in each of our lives when we have to decide what type of person we will be. Granted there are probably a few of these moments and some of us will only decide what kind of person we will be for that one specific instance. Whether you answer this at your core or just for Tuesday you gotta decide are you about self accountability or are you about deflection and finger pointing.

Now me personally, I’m all about self accountability, when I’m not pointing fingers or deflecting…….Okay I know its hard other people can really mess your ish up.  With the exception of those who have fallen victim to someone else in whatever ways for whatever reasons, most us just need to grab a new pair of big girl drawers and keep it pushing.

So how do you determine if you’re focused on being your best you or dropping your best shade? Well here’s a few quick ways to check yourself.

  1. Your story starts with you and ends with someone else.  You have to focus! You can only hold yourself accountable for the things you can control or that you yield a significant influence over.  

  2. You are missing from your story. If everyone plays a starring role in your life but you, you’re fooling yourself.  There is a difference between playing victim and actually being one.  A victim generally has no influence or control related to a circumstance. If this is not you woman up!

  3. Your story is full of ‘buts’and not the good kind. I love a good excuse as much as the next person but…… There is a fine line between an excuse and a valid reason.  Make sure you check which side of the line your on.

  4. You keep running into the same issues. This is a moment for deep reflection, are you really holding yourself accountable? If you were you should see change. You can’t expect new things sis when you keep. doing the same old stuff.

So now that you know where you might be slipping,  don’t fret there’s always room for improvement.  It may take some time to turn they to I and some effort to search out the things you control. Once you get the hang of it though it can lead to much smoother sailing in the sea of personal achievement.