Year: 2017

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Don’t Quiet Yourself Black Girl ~ by Chani the Hippie

Stereotypes are one of the most dreadful things in the world. Made up of social stigmas, over exaggeration, fear, and hate time and time again they have had negative effects on practically everyone on the planet. One that plagues my own is existence is that as a black woman I am too loud and with that my opinion is not needed.

Many times, even as a child, I have decided not to speak up, have ignored certain things, and hushed my mouth because I didn’t want to be plagued as the angry and loud black woman stirring up trouble. I felt ashamed using my voice sometimes. People automatically pinned me as abrasive and aggressive, making me insecure about the thoughts in my head.

The loud black woman stereotype has been meant to quiet black woman from speaking against disrespect, injustices, and negativity. When a white woman stands up for herself it’s a heroic, but when a black woman does it’s confrontational.

Fuck that!

As women we are paid less, sexually harassed, treated like we’re inadequate, and so many other atrocities, but as black women we have it even harder. We are cast out, overlooked, mistreated, and shamed. We deal with a large heap of shit and we must use our voices.

House Rep Maxine Waters is an excellent example of a black woman who won’t be quiet. Ever since President Donald Trump was elected she has been to almost every media outlet explaining how he can and is destroying our country. She is constantly on the house floor reading him and other Republicans to shreds. Fox News anchors have poked fun at her, told her to shut her mouth, and other volatile things, but she has every right to speak up for her constituents and herself.

 

When you have something important to say, say it!

 

When someone is doing you wrong, call them out!

 

When you have a plausible solution for the problem being talked about at your work meeting, present it!

 

When you get skipped in line at the grocery store, speak out!

 

When someone calls you a bitch, read their ass like a Judy Bloom book!

 

When you are having fun, yell “ayyyyye” at the top of your lungs!
What you have to say is important. How you feel, what’s on your mind, your ideas, your questions, everything. Don’t quiet yourself for anyone. Be loud black girl!

 

Budding author, poet, and blogger Chani The Hippie is paving her own way. Born outside of Boston and raised in Detroit her writings match her fiery attitude.

Her book “Freedom Fighter” was released in March 2016 and her book “We: A Love Story” in February 2017.

​See more from Chani the hippie  on her website www.chanithehippie.com      

Or follow her : @chanithahippie  on twitter

                             @thehippie on IG

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Vaginal Health – Cleansing

Keisha D

For a woman taking care of your vagina is a simple task wrought with all kinds of mediocre to terrible advice.  There are many a manufacturer ready to play on your insecurities and force you and your vagina into societal norms that aren’t quite that normal. Every woman has her own taste and smell. There is no standard form.  The health, taste and smell of the vagina can be affected by the things you eat, drink, smoke and wear to name a few. It can also be affected by your hygiene and sexual habits.  

Things that are normal for the vagina are often portrayed as abnormal.  One of those is discharge.  Discharge can vary in amount, consistency, and frequency.  Ovulation, menstruation, pregnancy and intercourse can cause changes in discharge as well. Today I’m going to discuss the common, but not so common sense world of vaginal hygiene.

Cleansing

Keeping your vagina clean is one of the simplest tasks.  The vagina is the home of various types of bacteria and even yeast.  The yeast are generally kept at bay by the bacteria but we’ll discuss that in another blog. Those bacteria help maintain the vagina but also live in a very delicate balance at a specific pH. For this reason it is never a wise idea to wash inside of the vagina.  When washing the outer regions of the vagina, lips, clitoris etc, it is best to use an unscented, non antibacterial mild/gentle soap.  Simply cleansing the area in the shower with a towel and no soap at all is just as effective. Despite conventional teachings it is ill advised to wash the vagina with scented soaps. These especially can lead to Bacterial Vaginosis(BV).  Bacterial vaginosis is an overgrowth of bacteria already naturally in the vagina which can result in a fishy, foul smelling odor and discharge. Washing the vagina regularly is highly recommended to help avoid feelings of self consciousness related to how it may smell or taste. Always make sure to thoroughly dry the outskirts of your vagina as well to ensure you aren’t giving yeast a chance to start growing rapidly.  They love warm, moist environments.

Douching

Douching is an unfortunately common practice.  Douching consists of ‘rinsing’ the vagina with various mixtures, vinegar and water being the most common.  While a commercial(store bought) douche may be balanced to the natural pH within the vagina, the process itself washes away the bacteria naturally present.  Most women douche because the notice or are told they have unpleasant vaginal odor.  There are a small subset that do so regularly as a common practice.  Douching can lead to BV as well yeast.  Unless advised to do so by a medical professional don’t do it!  

Something’s not right?

If it anytime you notice any changes in your vagina, it is best to seek the care of a health professional.  While discharge from the vagina is normal; colored and/or odorous discharge are not. If you find that you have an increase in the amount or change in smell and color call your doctor.  Because most sexually transmitted diseases or infections can be present without causing symptoms speaking with your doctor or nurse can save you time and heartache.  Untreated std/sti’s can lead to pelvic inflammation, sterility and other complications.

So to recap:

  1. Shower?  Yes

    1. Scented soap? No (feel free to use it on the rest of your body though 😉)

  2. Douche? HELL NO

    1. Just don’t save yourself

  3. Stinks? Call a doctor

  4. Weird discharge? Call a doctor

  5. Other concerns? You guessed it Call a doctor

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Stuck: to be or not to be

​The first time I welcomed a child into the world I did so as a single mom.  Twenty years later, despite a steep learning curve and various levels of disaster, I’ve managed to repeat history and find myself questioning how is it that I got stuck.

The typical teenager when I graduated highschool I looked forward to my freedom as an adult.  I wasn’t quite sure what I was going I do with it, but I wanted it and was glad to have it. In the fall, I began my college career.  This was my first time away from home and I had worked hard earning myself enough scholarships to equate to a full ride.

Being away at college was different. It was an experience I was definitely prepared for or so I thought.  Two months into my new life on my 18th birthday I received the news. I was pregnant. Instead of celebrating my new found status as an ‘adult’ I cried.  I cried and cried and eventually slipped into a depression.  I was pregnant and I was alone.

The first thing I worried about was telling my mom. My very strict, occasionally judgemental, slightly overbearing mom. It wasn’t a love fest, but she didn’t toss me out into the streets so essentially it was a shallow victory.  Looking back I honestly couldn’t say who may have been more depressed, me or my mom.  I just know that she didn’t seem to be able to offer much encouragement or guidance for my forthcoming steps. She did, however, make sure that we were taken care of.  

Fast forward 20 years my son is grown well adjusted and in college.  At 38 I’m divorced,  the proud owner of a baccalaureate degree,  3 types of certifications and able to provide my children with a basic but decent lifestyle.  I’m also, for the 4th time, a new mom.  But where exactly is it that I went wrong and painstakingly backwards?  

Well that friends is where I get lost in the details and trying to find all the hindsight clues.  You know all the little things you noticed but felt didn’t equate to much.  Strangely despite how much I dig I can’t seem to turn up anything but dirt. All I can see are the similarities in the circumstances, from the pregnancy, to the delivery, to the first few weeks of life.  Similarities that scream at me not to make the same exact mistakes, but also force me into scolding myself over the old ones.  

At one point I was so overwhelmed by it being so close to the same, I found myself slipping into a similar depressive mode.  I had to take a seat and several steps back.  Could I possibly be that stupid after all this time?  What had really changed besides my age and my address? Well everything to be precise.

The man I had chosen to share my life with for the last 3 years was a different kind of man than my ex. He was by no means perfect but he was also not abusive so I had to give myself a small high five on the inside.  Instead of being a depressed young girl with low self esteem.  I was a confident grown woman.  Though disappointed with myself I wasn’t devastated.  The first time I was so ashamed I ran from God whereas this time in my shame I ran towards him.

Some of you may be thinking why shame? Several reasons, exist for that.  I have always considered myself a Christian but never realized that in that I was also a hypocrite. Despite having knowledge of the word it was merely words that I had heard, not words that I applied. Like many Christians today I had become comfortable living my life in line with what is acceptable by worldly but not Godly standards.

Prior to becoming pregnant I struggled with changing my life in the ways I felt God was calling me to. It was so much easier to do things the way I had been.  A way that everyone around me was accustomed to.  As I struggled to change that; in crept the shame. Everyone seemed to have judging eyes in my mind.  It took some time for me to understand that shame was not what God intended for me to have.

Christians often talk about the feeling of conviction,  when God places something on your heart to let you know you messed up but he still loves you.  That is where I wound up after all the shame beat me down.  I found myself overwhelmingly hopeful despite the circumstances.  I didn’t feel the need to go above and beyond to accommodate his father for him to be there as I had done before.  Instead I pray. I pray and I find peace,  and each time I get anxious and upset or begin to condemn myself I pray.

In the midst of feeling stuck, God used my circumstances to show me how much I had grown.  He showed me that I will always continue to grow and change. That life most certainly won’t always work out the way we want. It doesn’t matter how well we think we’ve planned it.  I also learned the walk is a lot less lonely when you’re talking with God and not at Him. Not to mention that he has a sense of humor.  How else could I have ended up in my own personal ‘Groundhog day’ trying to get it right? My greatest peace is in knowing that I may not get it right this time either, but with Him I’m definitely on the right path and not so stuck after all.