Year: 2017

Dear White Women,

Now while this title addresses you as a whole, this blog is really only meant to address white women who date black men.  First! On behalf of some of black women out there let me say to you, we could care less, about some of y’all……..  There are some of us that do but that and everything behind the generational animosity between white and black women is another blog for another day. Honestly and truthfully we really aren’t that mad about some of you dating black men, and/or having biracial children but there are some issues that arise.  One, please understand when you choose to date a black man that means you are choosing to inherit his struggle, and not by any means inheriting a hood pass.  Now you, or the both of you, can brush racism and bigotry aside as though they do not exist but they do.  Racism exists, and unfortunately some of you perpetuate this ignorance and disadvantage your children.  I once had a white woman up in arms because I told her she was racist, and she replied “I have black children I could never be racist.”  Well sweetheart, slave owners had black children that they loved as well.   Now that is not saying that you are that depraved, and before you get all up in arms take a moment to hear me out.

Giving birth to a black man or woman from a place a privilege does not make you unbiased.  Your bias is clear when you raise your children to believe that they have nothing in common with the Mike Brown’s and Trayvon Martin’s of this world.  You raise them to believe that it is possible for a black man to live in a color blind society and that all he needs his love, and hard work.  You raise them to believe that they are different in the wrong kind of way and by doing so you hurt them.  By raising your children under such false pretenses you have robbed them of their rich heritage and blinded them to their true enemies.  Don’t get me wrong, black people don’t spend every moment on guard spot checking for racism, but we know how to spot it.  Racism varies from subtle to overtly profane, and that differs by region.  How are you hurting your children, you ask?  Because they have no idea how the majority of the world sees them.  Naturally they will most likely identify with both races that they are a part of.  The world however, will consider them black.  

The world will look at them and immediately equate them with all the stereotypes and propaganda that have been fed to them night and day by American media and television.  They will not differentiate them because of their white mother, they will simply degrade you to the status of ‘nigger lover’. Their lack of knowledge of their heritage will prevent them truly owning the depth of their greatness, and leave them slightly hollow with only the burden.  They may learn the hard way that a lot of white folks only appreciate the portions of you and your character that benefit them.  And some of them may face the detrimental reality that some of white America only sees a problem to be dealt with.  

As a mother to any child you are given the daunting task of raising them to be a well rounded productive member of society.  To raise a black child, you also have to raise their awareness of their surroundings.  The purpose of this being not to instill fear, but to awaken him to the American reality for black men and women.  He/She needs to know how to balance anger, abilities, intelligence, and strength.  You must teach them to understand that the strength in their anger can be a catalyst for change, but it must be focused in the right direction.  To raise a black man or woman you have to sift your way through popular culture lovingly and understand what images and attitudes can manifest the wrong spirit in your child and lead him down the wrong path.  Additionally for those of you that entrench yourselves in popular culture and have the audacity to refer to your children as ‘niggas’, you should be slapped, tarred and feathered.  

Unfortunately, there are a number of you who see dating or marrying a black man as a trend and/or battle.  As a black woman I need you to FULLY comprehend that a black man choosing you doesn’t decrease my stock, my value, or my nobility. I am first and foremost, and will forever be a queen. There is no battle being fought here between us so don’t believe the social media hype.   Dating black men is not a trend.  It is not some cute shit to do because you watch too much TV, or listen to excessive amounts of rap music.  Dating a black man is serious business.  There is certain level of maturity and responsibility associated with all relationships regardless of race.  Dating a black man however, means that you have to do your homework, on him, his culture, and society. You need to be able understand that while he may not always say it race plays a role in how things go for him at different times.  People will treat him differently. He will inevitably work harder than his counterparts, and on most occasions it will be for less money.  He will be at risk for a host of illnesses as will your children, simply because he is black.  You must understand that discrimination, is something that is so widespread it has almost normalized itself into his way of life.  Furthermore you must acknowledge that no matter what level he reaches in his life be it success, notoriety, or financial freedom and he himself may sometimes fail to acknowledge it as well; society will remind him he is and will always be a nigger should they feel the need.

You are your child’s first impression of the world and of life.  How you treat and speak to him/her has a direct correlation with how they see themselves in the world.  They will struggle in different ways than other children.  Their skin tones, hair textures, and other features will be a source of great pride and potential shame.  Your black daughters will be more likely to bury children they give birth to within the first year simply because they are black.  No level of achievement or life status will change that.  That factor alone should let you know the level of stress from institutionalized racism, that they will encounter throughout their lifetime is epidemic. Their life expectancy will be lower than yours. Your sons may fall victim to the violence that has statistically leveled off the population growth of blacks in America. They will need your loving arms when things happen that they can’t comprehend just because they are black.  They will need your support when the world invites them to believe they couldn’t possibly do, be or achieve; because they are black.  They will need your kind words and loving encouragement to embrace and love themselves for the beautiful black children they are.  You are their mother, hopefully not their enemy.  It takes great effort to bring a child into the world and unspeakable love and sacrifice to raise them.  There are some of you who understand and accept what you signed up for and approach the task with an open heart, and mind.  If you love them, hold them, teach them, and respect them. Your children are princes, and princesses that will grow into the kings and queens that will contribute to the world around them.  Or, for those of you that refer to them as such, they will be the ‘niggas’ you raised. The niggas that will fall short of their full potential and be subconsciously unaware of the self hate their mother instilled, by readily identifying them with racial slurs under the guise of love.  The choice is yours.