Month: April 2018

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Its Not Them or Us, its Most Likely You. A Personal Accountability Check up

There comes a time in each of our lives when we have to decide what type of person we will be. Granted there are probably a few of these moments and some of us will only decide what kind of person we will be for that one specific instance. Whether you answer this at your core or just for Tuesday you gotta decide are you about self accountability or are you about deflection and finger pointing.

Now me personally, I’m all about self accountability, when I’m not pointing fingers or deflecting…….Okay I know its hard other people can really mess your ish up.  With the exception of those who have fallen victim to someone else in whatever ways for whatever reasons, most us just need to grab a new pair of big girl drawers and keep it pushing.

So how do you determine if you’re focused on being your best you or dropping your best shade? Well here’s a few quick ways to check yourself.

  1. Your story starts with you and ends with someone else.  You have to focus! You can only hold yourself accountable for the things you can control or that you yield a significant influence over.  

  2. You are missing from your story. If everyone plays a starring role in your life but you, you’re fooling yourself.  There is a difference between playing victim and actually being one.  A victim generally has no influence or control related to a circumstance. If this is not you woman up!

  3. Your story is full of ‘buts’and not the good kind. I love a good excuse as much as the next person but…… There is a fine line between an excuse and a valid reason.  Make sure you check which side of the line your on.

  4. You keep running into the same issues. This is a moment for deep reflection, are you really holding yourself accountable? If you were you should see change. You can’t expect new things sis when you keep. doing the same old stuff.

So now that you know where you might be slipping,  don’t fret there’s always room for improvement.  It may take some time to turn they to I and some effort to search out the things you control. Once you get the hang of it though it can lead to much smoother sailing in the sea of personal achievement.  

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4 Reasons Women Should Consider Masturbation

Now I know this may sound crazy coming from a woman who very openly discusses her Christianity but before you rebuke me and send me straight the depths of hell,  let me explain why I encourage masturbation. Masturbating by definition is the stimulation or manipulation of one’s own genitals, especially to orgasm; sexual self-gratification. It can help a woman learn what she finds pleasurable in regards to touch. Numerous factors like speed, pressure and position are discoverable through masturbation. It can also help a woman learn to relax into the process of being pleasured by another party is involved.‬ Knowing what you enjoy and feeling comfortable with your own body and how it responds can help increase the pleasure/value of your sexual encounters.‬

Masturbation can either be done manually (by hand) or with the assistance of a vibrator. You can do It alone or with the assistance of your partner. It can also be used to educate your partner in a hands on way how to please you. Masturbation is good for the health of the vagina and personal sexual education. It is not and should not be used as a permanent substitute or an avenue to avoid sexual intimacy.

Now that we’ve talked about the fun stuff, here the most important reasons to masturbate. ‬

  1. Masturbation helps maintain the competency of the vagina. #‎vaginatips

  2. Orgasms associated with masturbation can help increase pelvic floor muscle strength. ‪#‎vaginatips

  3. Regular vaginal or clitoral stimulation naturally encourages the vagina to lengthen(occurs with arousal) and to lubricate itself protecting the tissue ‪#‎Vaginatips

  4. As a woman ages and approaches menopause the change in hormones can lead to dryness, pain and other issues with intercourse. Masturbation regularly can help delay these affects  ‪‪#‎vaginatips‬‬

One thing I tell every woman I know, the vagina is use or loose. That said there is no time like the present.  So how do you get started? Well create a mood for yourself. Here a some things I recommend

  • Start with a nice soothing bath or shower

  • Your favorite mood music

  • Water based lube

  • A rechargeable vibrator(if you are planning to use a toy)

  • A quiet private space so you have plenty of time and can relax

  • Find a comfortable position to lay in and find your groove

As with any new adventure I recommend you consult your physician if you have any special circumstances.  If you have had an episiotomy in the past it may be a bit harder if you suffered Abby nerve damage which can be common.  Don’t get frustrated just give yourself a little bit more time.


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So You’re A Christian and A Hypocrite….

About a 2 years ago I began to realize that even though I called myself a Christian I was really just playing church. I was the stereotypical one folk talk about. I was a really good Christian the days I was a Christian. I put my Christianity on and off like a hat. I mean honestly it is a choice to follow the path that God has laid out, but somedays I acted like I never heard of that road. I don’t recall the exact moment that God brought it to my attention. The fact that I called myself a Christian, but still failed to align myself with his word.  I do remember that I was sitting on my couch, probably scrolling fb and judging people, when the phrase,  in the world but not of the world came into my mind.  I sat and contemplated the depth of that statement.  Next I went to my bible app and hit search. Didn’t find it but a quick Google search yielded me this.

The phrase is based on John 17:14-17. What does it mean exactly? Well to be in the world was obvious you’re here. To be not of the world for me was about mindset.  The ability to stand out and go against the grain, but to do it all in and with love. For me in that moment it meant that I was exactly what most folks dislike about Christians; a hypocrite.  

I mean the drinking, fornicating, shacking,  kids out of wedlock,  dishonest when it was to my benefit, finger pointing, judgement doling, not quite learned enough to be a bible thumper Christian. God showed me right in that moment not only was I no better but I was actually worse.  I claimed to love the Lord, but really I loved my own way.  


Judging


I am good at judging y’all,  I think I had it down to a science.  Shameful I know, and just as the word said I was quick to point out the flaws of others without acknowledging my own.  I could tell you about you, your dog, your house, etc. etc. Of course anything terrible you dealt with I just assumed was your judgement on God’s behalf because you know God don’t like ugly. That’s not how God’s judgement doesn’t function in that way. God isn’t spending all his time trying make sure everybody gets their comeuppance. If he was he’d have to go ahead and start all over…… again. Now judging is not to be confused with the process of exercising good judgment.  We can and should consider our actions, motivation and that of others. It is necessary to make sound decisions.  In the process of analyzing these factors it is also okay to be honest with others when they are wrong. Most of our issues stem from what we say and how we say it. When we are truthful with each other in a loving way it is more often than not well received.


Hypocrisy


I was/am on occasion so deep in this I can’t even imagine how ridiculous I must sound.  This is honestly a struggle some days. I had a what everyone else should do and a what I am gonna do mindset. I’d do things like talk trash to someone for texting and driving or whatever they were doing on their phone, right after I just got done doing the same with mine.  Can we say double standard?  My way of thinking; riddled with them.  As a parent this type of behavior is a boomerang.  It comes right back at you but its worse because it’s from people you love more than life.  Nothing hurts worse than watching your child stumble because of you.


Ill-advised


This is where the depth of who I am worked against people that I love.  How so,  you wonder? Well I was so busy doing me, and not following the word that I was living life with a worldly mindset. I even encouraged others to do the same.  I cosigned on all manner of destructive behaviors. I even used my misunderstanding of God as an excuse or justification for some of the foolishness.  I mean I prayed about it so I’m sure its okay to do things the way I want right? Honestly I wasn’t even waiting for answers. I was just diving head first into whatever I wanted claiming the Lord blessed it if it went the way I thought it should.  Instead of being used by God I allowed myself to be used and played by the enemy.  I honestly have no clue to what depth I have dug this particular hole.  I am praying though, for me and everyone I feel I wronged along the way.


So what’s next? Practice!  Practice makes perfect, I am on a long road to changing my mindset, my habits and my lifestyle.  I know that may sound overwhelming but only if you are staring at the big picture and not each moment.  My goal is to focus on today.  What can I do today to improve my life and the lives of others around me simply by sharing the love of God? I’m not knocking on doors sharing the love, it may just be hug for a stranger when I sense a need,  a smile or a million other small things that positively affect the life of someone else. No you don’t have to be a Christian to do those things, but all Christians should.

Sadly some of us are too caught up in rules, bylaws, judgement doling or the practice of religion to really practice one of God’s greatest commands to love one another.  Meanwhile while there are a chunk of Christians living in the world in a worldly way(no judgement lol), I’m trying to carve out my own understanding and adjust the mindset I’ve created on what it truly means for me to follow Christ.