If I died today, it would be the culmination of 33 years of nothing. I would have wasted my years on fear and submission, failing to embrace the world and bless it with my gifts. My children would cease to have my occasional presence, when work did not take precedence. The accumulation of absenteeism from childhood games, school plays and hugs, would plague my life’s flashing by.
And all the unspoken ‘I love yous’ would choke hold my throat. My stored up apologies for lack of perfection, lack of protection for my precious gifts, my precious self, my unstored wealth to ease the path of life. My squandered grace, heart misplaced would burst from my chest in hopes of one last chance. My tongue’s spiritual space imparting wisdom, through teared over eyes.
My son you are wise, but don’t be so harsh, leave space in your mind for the freedom of time and the randomness of progression. And every now and then something is in its place, out of place. My first double xx, don’t protect your sensitivity with swift stinging discord and dissent. Open yourself up to who you are, and close yourself off to those who would pervert your essence. My youngest of two I love your fire! But use discretion as you maintain your glow, don’t let your intensity consume, and subjugate you to an island.
My brothers and sisters and others that I loved, always let it resonate in your soul that you are enough. Chase your dreams like wishes on dandelions, and let yourself love, and win and lose. Cry if you must, dance with the sea and sway with the wind, suspend arbitrary tasks, in defense of momentary pleasures. Hoard treasures and rain benevolence on those less fortunate. Explore the world, invoke your intent. Be present in every single moment.
Devour the texture of life, wholeheartedly trust your instincts as God whispers in your ear. Incline your heart to delusions of grandeur. Be grander on this earthly stage, as you touch the stars with your fingertips, and scorn hell with your toes. My kindred soul, cosmos spanning love. On you I have never laid eyes but perhaps I unwittingly passed you by, kept your rib, and swallowed my pain. May my spirits release from this earthen capsule enliven you, with every ounce of everything I would have delivered had the time permitted. Might that my regrets would be your desired nevers, childish endeavors and laughter that rings for miles. But most of all as I love you, love you too and smile.
Read this poem and more in my book Life: Love and Lust Him, Me, You